allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
