you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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