I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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