The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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