i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
