can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
