i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
