her vagine was all disorganized.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
