in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
