Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
