If i come over, it means nothing
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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