Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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