Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
