y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
