It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
