Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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