At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
