her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
