3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
