I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
