You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
