I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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