chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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