like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
