He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
