What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
cat food counts as protein by the way
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
