I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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