id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my being single is dangerous.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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