At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
