He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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