I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
