i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
