i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
