the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
