It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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