Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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