Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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