She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
