Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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