Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
