How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
