i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
