he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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