now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
