I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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