I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
