If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
