smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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