I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
