There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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